Category: Father Hunger

REG AND REG  This article is by my sister, Jennifer R. Owens – she  writes  on her blog at Life of JennRene and she  does a really  good job writing, is a writing coach, and  a social worker in the field who has worked with lots of families. Sometimes I  share with her I wish she were here, in Rochester, N.Y so we could work together. One of the best things I have witnessed in my lifetime  and  in my   family is my brother and my nephew, Reg & Reg – working together in the field  of  counseling and advice for men and fathers. I had a chance last year when I visited Rochester, to sit in one of their fatherhood  groups. I had never  witnessed them working together, and I tell you … it was amazing to see and hear their input, firsthand. It’s funny, I have to tell you, I never thought my nephew (Lil Reg – we call ’em) – would go into the field of social work or counseling of men.  I just thought “football” would forever be his life!   Reg LOVES football more than anything else, so when he spoke about  goals  and pursuing them in life, I never heard him even slightly talk about  doing this kind of work. One of the things I have been to my brother Reg, and I am sure he won’t mind I say this, is a “sister coach” of sorts, I have always  mentioned  to him, when things were not so  positive in the past with his kids – to “keep reaching out”…  and I and delighted to say, Reg has done just that. As he  works on his business with The Fatherhood Connection, I see  the program growing and helping men find broken pieces of their lives and find understanding.  I love most of all, they find ANSWERS.

I am the creative mind behind Reggie’s blog  and help him with social media, and  last year when I was home in Rochester, I spent time in a group for the men.  I was in the audience on the floor, videotaping and… my brother putting me on the spot. He asked the impact that having  a father who was an alcoholic in my life growing up had on me. I  began to just share with the men in the group my thoughts and insight about this, and I share also on the blog.(

As I spoke, I  shared  with the men and I saw something I never saw before in a large group setting. I saw men in front of me, with sincere looks of   concern, and   I heard  stories of where the neglect  we experienced by my father early on came from. I was able to see fathers holding on, being strong for daughters and telling stories of how they reach out to their daughters,  and will do even more, because of what they heard me tell about my relationship  with my father, when young. I heard fathers say they will continue to “cover” their daughters,  when there are no men in their lives, and I heard stories of how fathers love their daughters and want more, and will do more because  they desire  her to be happy in her future. I was also able to see on a larger scale the effects father hunger has on women. I had never really considered  this in-depth while at the same time mentoring fathers of this pain and seeing the expressions on their faces in having them know just how important it really is, helped me to  desire to DO MORE for women in terms of bringing families together. In this group, in particular,  I found a greater passion for the women I serve in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and I shared stories of these women who have  not had fathers in their lives — where they end up. Hopefully,  my  words helped someone in that group, and hopefully, my cause will be greater, because of my pain and my hurt when young. Hopefully, fathers will change their lives because of those words shared in the room, that day. When I observe my nephew’s future and  I  observe also the reconciliation between father and son, between my brother and his son, I  become emotional; yet grateful.  I also  I become confident and hopeful about my nephew’s future. Reggie ( Jr.)  will have  a more positive relationship with his children and his  wife, because  of what he has witnessed in terms of my family’s healing, and  for that, I am thankful. This didn’t come about easy,  it has  taken a  long time, and a lot of prayer, and a lot of communication and re-building — even when family members didn’t want to, and were hurt because of it. Yet when I look at the next generation, they will have HOPE, because we are taking  care of what we needed to , first.

So …build on…. fathers, build on… Selah.

-By JennRene Owens –  Blogger at Life Of JennRene JennRene ( a.k.a Jennifer Owens) is from Rochester, NY and currently resides in Tulsa Oklahoma.  Jennifer has been in the social work field for  over twenty three years and loves to help change minds and hearts for whole -hearted living.  Jennifer is  an  author and published  “Red Sea Situations: Finding Courage in  The Deep Seas of Life,”  last summer. Her blog Red Sea Courage can be found at and she has a compassion  to serve the underserved, the oppressed and those who long to find their voices.  JennRene also has a  gift for encouraging  people to  write books and is a life coach.   Once again, it’s all about finding voice

 “The best journey answers questions that, in the beginning, you didn’t even think to ask.” ~ Jeff Johnson

Decision-making as a Father can be one of life’s biggest challenges. Here, we determine in this video the role our dads played in our lives and how sometimes this gap, or the way we were raised can sometimes come from what we learned or did not learn as a child. Corbyn Tyson, a filmmaker, talks to his dad and explains his role and how he wasn’t always the best kid growing up and the morals he learned as a dad.

All of us are affected by our father. Maybe he wasn’t there at all, maybe he lived with you, but you didn’t see him too much.

What did your parents do right and what did they do wrong?

Filmmaker Corbyn Tyson explores what it means to be a positive influence in the life of a kid and becomes introspective with his own father. This is a series that looks at what it means to be a father today and the role our dads played in our lives.

Reflect for a moment and consider….

Was your father in your life? How did his presence affect you? Or maybe his lack of presence in your life  impacted you in some way, as well.

If so, how? And who stood in the gap for his absence?Were there other men? Were there mentors for you as a man, even today in life after  25 or 30 years of age?

Are  you trying to change this pattern and STILL struggle today, as a result?

 Like Corbyn, ask yourself:  How do you read your compass?

Are you considering what you do right or… what you do wrong? Do you ask questions or seek our help, perhaps you should.

These are the thing we talk about in groups and talking about them in The Fatherhood Connection helps us to be better fathers.

We are our Brother’s keeper! Ask Nathan McCall. He has a great book out called makes Me Wanna Holler: A Young Man Black in America. It will make you understand several plights of the African American Male. Examining the complexities of the problems of black youths from an insider’s perspective, an African-American journalist recalls his own troubled childhood, his rehabilitation while in prison, and his successful Washington Post career.

nathan mccall

Nathan McCall  is an African-American author who grew up in the Cavalier Manor section of Portsmouth, Virginia.

As the stepson of a Navy man, McCall also grew up in various locations, such as Morocco and  Norfolk, Virginia. After serving three years in prison, he studied journalism at Norfolk State University. He reported for the Virginian Pilot-Ledger Star and the Atlanta Journal-Constitution before moving to The Washington Post In 1989. He has dedicated his career to improving race relations in the United States.

In his first bookMakes Me Wanna Holler, McCall provides a detailed story of his life and the hardships he experienced growing up with racial profiling, class differences and peer pressure.

His second bookWhat’s Going On, used personal essays to discuss some larger issues such as social, cultural, and political tensions that affect the modern day United States.

After the success of his books, McCall was in demand as a speaker. He left The Washington Post for the lecture circuit. Today he continues to write, and holds the post of lecturer in the Department of African-American Studies at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia.

His first novel Them: A Novel, dealing with issues of gentrification in an Atlanta neighborhood, was published in 2007. Them tells the story of Barlowe Reed, a single, forty-something African-American man, who has to come to terms with the gentrification of his neighborhood, in particular the influx of white people to the area.

Find out more about Nathan at

 Source: wikipedia

Many times we think that what happens in one culture is much better in another country, but this young male, in the United Kingdom works with gangs and males on a similar level. I wanted to share what Craig Pinkney is doing, because there are literally no barriers.

We have the same issues and the same hurts and even the same pains and violence in communities.

Also, don’t forget young girls and that they suffer as well.

Daughters need direction, as well as males and the atrocities to their souls carry on for a lifetime. KEEP REACHING OUT, FATHERS.

In a day and age where daughters are trying to find identity, and purpose and connect with their fathers, we commend angela Patton of Camp Diva, and Sheriff C.T. Woody at the Richmond County Jail for allowing permission for a daddy- Daughter dance in Richmond, VA.

Read more about it at this link. Read more  about Angela Patton and CAMP DIVA HERE.

By Leslie M. Gordon and William K. Middlebrooks, Essence Magazine.

Robin Roberts and Dad

This excerpts from Dare To Be Extraordinary: A Collection of Positive Life Lessons from African American Fathers are taken from the chapter on ABC Broadcaster and Good Morning America host, Robin Roberts.

Robin Roberts brings joy, honesty, and news to millions of loyal Good Morning America viewers each day. When she laughs, we laugh. When she cries, we cry. People are naturally drawn to her just as they were drawn to her loving father, Colonel Lawrence Edward Roberts, a man she describes as a true officer and a gentleman…

In Roberts’ eyes, her father was a gentle giant. He was compassionate and although he had a straight-laced, buttoned up persona, and a deep voice, there was a real softness to him.…

Roberts loved to answer the telephone: “Colonel Roberts’ quarters, Robin speaking.” Her father would just look at her as if to say, “Oh my gosh, what have I raised?” …When the future broadcaster was ten years old, her family lived on Keesler Air Force base in Biloxi, Mississippi where her father was a commander. Her uncle and his family came to visit. Excited, Roberts wanted to run outside to greet them the moment she saw her uncle’s car pull up in the yard. Her dad calmly put his arm around her shoulders and said, “No.” He wanted her to conduct herself like a young lady and expressed that when they got in the house, she could jump up and down and knock her cousins over like a Labrador retriever if she chose to…

Colonel Roberts never had to sit Roberts or any of his children down to talk about going to college or doing something important with their lives. Greatness was just expected…

She remembers a time in college when she had her heart set on buying a motorcycle, and she felt that she needed to tell somebody. So she called her sister, Dorothy … About an hour later her telephone rang … “Dorothy won’t tell us what it is but she said that you’re going to do something you shouldn’t do, so technically she didn’t violate your trust,” her mother said.

Roberts told her mother the truth: “I’m getting a motorcycle tomorrow.”

Immediately her mother put her dad on the phone. Her father firmly said to his youngest child, “Under no circumstances will you buy a motorcycle. No daughter of mine will do that. You know it’s a deathtrap. You have a car to get you from point A to point B. You

know, if that’s gonna be the case you can bring that car home, and you can just ride your bicycle to your classes.” Her father went on and on until Roberts relented. “Fine, I won’t buy a motorcycle!” Robin said and hung up.

Many years later, her dad asked her, “Did I handle that right, Robin? Because I really don’t think I handled that right with you.” Robin replied, “Dad I’m fine! It’s okay. I’ve really let it go.”…

Roberts’s father influenced her career choice because it was an adventure being the daughter of Colonel Lawrence E. Roberts. She wanted to see even more of the world because her dad had already shown it to her and because she had already gotten a taste of it, she knew that as an adult a nine to five job wasn’t for her.…

On Good Morning America in 2003, Roberts had the honor of flying an AT-6, an Air Force training aircraft her dad once trained in. … They found an old clunker and Roberts joked that she wanted to fly a plane like her father did, not the actual 50+ year-old-plane that he flew in World War II. “This thing came chugging down the runway and my father was just beaming,” Robin shares. “Some of my favorite video is of him watching me fly and being with other Tuskegee Airmen.”…

Knowing that her father came from humble beginnings and went on to fulfill his dream of becoming a pilot influenced her to pursue her own dream of becoming a sports journalist. “It was almost like, how dare I not try to do this.…

“My dad saw me become the news anchor, but he passed away before I became an anchor at Good Morning America. He passed away shortly before I became one of the anchors with Diane Sawyer and Charlie Gibson,” Robin says. “I so wanted him to see this, but the comfort I have is that I know my father was proud of me and that’s the only thing that I, or any child, could ever ask for.”

Source: Essence Magazine

1. Poverty
2. Education
3. Substance Abuse
4. Incarceration
5. Teenage Pregnancy
6. Emotional and Physical Safety

Children Need Their Fathers. They also need their mothers. How can one replace the loss of a father when there is such Father Hunger? There are consequences from absent fatherhood. Some of these are complications that happen after a father is absent in the home, and some are absent even when mothers are not present.  Wouldn’t it be GREAT if we took the time to parent and notice the needs of our children in all areas of their lives.

One of the areas here that stands out the most, is that of emotional and  physical safety. I was reading an article recently for couples and found that an area that stands out  for their relationship to be secure is these three things:

A.  The first, is ACCEPTANCE .   The more accepted and valued by your partner you feel, the more you are in the safe zone emotionally because your sense of self is intact. However, if you feel that your partner believes something negative about you, your sense of self may suffer and you will feel emotionally unsafe.

B. GOOD ESTEEM-  This IS WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE: ” (I am OK).”  If you feel that you are lovable and adequate, your self-esteem will generally be pretty high and you will feel entitled to receiving love and care in your relationship. If you don’t feel like you are okay, it breeds to a lack of closeness and  conflict.

C. And thirdly.  one needs SECURITY. Security is about  means that “there are no threats to how loved and cared for, “and you feel safe with those you are in current relationships with.

Reference for Article Source:

Will Smith’s portrayal of a son yearning for his father’s love and yet becoming desensitized to the anger is an excellent portrayal of the hurt and pain kids and young men and women tend to feel. (Thanks, Will Smith) for your good acting.

They are sad, but true feelings.
So fathers we encourage you to never stop trying to REACH OUT to your children. No matter what the circumstances, still try. If it turns out they have left, and you have no contact, use your spiritual and natural resources to find help, so that you are not alone, and in isolation.

For young men and women who have father hunger, you also should seek resource and support. You are not alone.

Reggie Cox of the Fatherhood Initiative and Bishop Curt Schultz of the Geneseo Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Reggie Cox of the Fatherhood Initiative and Bishop Curt Schultz of the Geneseo Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.


Fathers’ group started at Geneseo LDS church

September 22, 2010 by Mark Gillespie

Children, unfortunately, don’t come with instruction manuals — and fathers are often the least-prepared of the two parents.

That’s because many dads lack a well-equipped “toolbox” of values and techniques to be the best possible leaders of their children, says Reggie Cox of The Fatherhood Connection, a faith-based education program in Rochester.

The Fatherhood Connection began a 13-week fathers’ group called “Fathers Matter to Kids” Monday, Sept. 20 at the Geneseo Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

Fathers and grandfathers are invited to drop in to explore how their relationships with their own fathers color their decisions, and how certain core values can improve any relationship between father and child.

“A father has three jobs,” Cox told The County News, “to affirm, to approce and to celebrate.” He explained that a child’s self-image is shaped in large part by his or her father’s opinion. Approaches range from the strict, unyielding “authoritarian” father to the coddling “permissive” father.

The best approach, according to Cox, is the “authoritative” father — the man children can count on to provide a clear moral compass, but someone who is approachable and open to feedback.

As pastor at the Changing Lives Worship Center, Cox’s point of view is informed by his faith. “It says in Malachi 4-6 ‘He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers,” Cox points out. “For many kids though, there is a ‘father hunger’ which they are never able to articulate.”

It doesn’t help that the “perfect father” is romanticized in media images. Many children see their father’s flaws through the lens of idealized parents who always have time for a game of one-on-one or a sympathetic pep talk.

You don’t have to belong to a certain church, or even be a believer, to benefit from the group sessions. Cox starts with a prayer, but keeps the rest of the meeting focused on worldly, practical advice — as well as robust discussions about fatherhood with participants.

“We spend a lot of time talking about the ‘girl in the woman’ and the ‘boy and the man.’”

Topics include the definition of a healthy relationship, critical thinking, decision-making and problem solving. Participating dads learn how to hold a family meeting, which Cox recommends happen every week. Discussions range from the special bond between father and son — and the sometimes awkward relationship fathers have with their daughters, especially if there is no female role model present in the family.

“A daughter gets her first impression of how a man should behave toward her from her father,” said Cox. “Dad should be the man who gives her her first ring or her first dance. He should be the first man who takes that daughter out to dinner. Sometimes single fathers don’t know how to talk to their daughters about puberty and sex. We want to show men how to be confident and competent fathers who can address a topic like that.”

Bishop Curt Schultz of the Geneseo LDS Church says he welcomes the group as his church’s ongoing mission to offer community-based programs.

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