Archive for April, 2013

The Fatherhood Connection is moving across Monroe and Livingston Counties.We having excellent groups in N.Y. area. amd even groups for boys. We hope you enjoy the presentation. If you would like us to present in your area, or are interested n speaking opportunities or presentations, please contact us at

Not every  father  has the privilege of being able to offer his son or daughter skills for living; but if you do,  parents may raise their children with  much stress and struggle.   We noticed there was a really good resource out that  describes well how to offer these skills of resilience  fathers, if you are wondering what helps your children to grow, its character. But even more resilient character.  Here are a few  wonderful privileges that exist from being a father you may be able to practice.

1. Insight  is the ability to see things as they are. Asking tough questions and giving honest answers.  It is sensing, knowing and understanding.

2.Independence is the ability to distance and/or disengage.  Separating/ Straying/ Disengaging Distancing emotionally and physically from the sources of trouble in one’s life.

3. Initiative involves taking charge of challenging situations or problems.

4. Relationships  need  continual exploration,  and being able to establish working relationships is key to  connecting. Managing  relationships involve making fulfilling connections to other people and developing close    connections to others.   –   Attaching/Connecting/ Recruiting 

5. Creativity   – Using imagination and expressing oneself in art forms.

6. Humor –  Playing/Laughing/ Shaping  finding the comic in the tragic.

7.  Morality –  Judging/Serving,/ Valuing  Acting on the basis of an informed conscience. 

father son pic-walk 2_edited-1

Source: The Resilient Self: How Survivors of Troubled Families Rise Above Adversity (Villard, 1993 ) By Steven J. Wolin, M.D. and Sybil Wolin, Ph.D.

Steven J. Wolin, M.D. is clinical professor of psychiatry at the George Washington University Medical School in Washington DC, director of family therapy training, and a long time investigator at the Center Family Research. His research is published in over 40 papers and in a book, The Alcoholic Family (Basic Books, 1988), co-authored with his colleagues at GWU. Dr. Wolin was the project director for a postdoctoral training program funded by NIAAA and for an OSAP-supported conference on children of alcoholics. He maintains an active clinical practice in psychiatry.

His wife, Sybil Wolin Ph.D. is a developmental psychologist. She has worked as an advocate for public school services for handicapped children, an educational diagnostician and tutor, and a teacher.

The Wolins are co-directors of Project Resilience, a private organization in Washington DC that consults to schools, clinics and prevention agencies. Since the Wolins began their work on resilience in the late 80’s, they have presented more than 200 workshop across the country and abroad, for instance, to state and county child welfare departments, alcohol and drug prevention agencies, school systems, professional associations, and mental health clinics.

asking tough questions and giving honest answers.

Will Smith’s portrayal of a son yearning for his father’s love and yet becoming desensitized to the anger is an excellent portrayal of the hurt and pain kids and young men and women tend to feel. (Thanks, Will Smith) for your good acting.

They are sad, but true feelings.
So fathers we encourage you to never stop trying to REACH OUT to your children. No matter what the circumstances, still try. If it turns out they have left, and you have no contact, use your spiritual and natural resources to find help, so that you are not alone, and in isolation.

For young men and women who have father hunger, you also should seek resource and support. You are not alone.

  • Fifteen million U.S children, or 1 in 3 live without a father.
  • In all but 11 states, most black children do not live with both parents, 77%white and 61% hispanics to 25%black live with both parents
  • In Livingston County, (Near Rochester, N.Y.) 56% of children referred to community service live with their mother and 23% live with both parents 
  • •Father Factor in Poverty
  • –Children in father-absent homes are almost four times more likely to be poor.  In 2011, 12 percent of children in married couple families were living in poverty, compared to 44 percent of children in mother only families.
  • •Father Factor in Behavioral Problems – Children born to single mothers show higher levels of aggressive behavior than children born to married mothers.
  • Father Factor in Incarceration – Youths in father-absent households had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families.

In fact, our President, President Obama grew up without a father.
 “You know…don’t get me wrong. As the son of a single mom who gave everything she had to raise me, with the help of my grandparents, you know, I turned out O.K.,” he continued. “But at the same time, I wish I had a father who was around and involved.”Image